Victory vs defeat

We all have our days of feeling defeat, but for about 4 or 5 months that is how I was feeling...just defeated!  My oldest is my largest challenge.  Every day he gives me a run for my money and when Alex was born he had a very hard transition.  I had horrible baby blues and all my friends who had babies around that time seemed like they had it together.  I felt like 'maybe I am not cut out for this mom gig'?!  It was a daily struggle.  I would tell myself on a daily basis 'I love being a mom...I am a great mom'.  Yes, I would confess it even if I didn't believe it!  I wasn't sure how to handle two kids and a husband who works from sun up to sun down 6 days a week with no family here.  I am not one to talk about my problems, so on the outside my life looked great.  Unless you spent some time with me, you wouldn't know that I was having these daily struggles. 

Parenting doesn't come with a step by step manual that tells parents what to do in what situation.  I was looking everywhere to find answers on how to discipline my son.  He would act out for attention and it just continued to get worse.  Everyone had an opinion and I asked, listened, and applied.  Spank, don't spank, quiet time, etc.  You name it, I was told it.  I applied the majority of it too...I would get new advice and add it to what I was already doing.  It was a daily struggle and battle to discipline my son.  I got to the point that I stopped....I just stopped everything.  For a couple months I just didn't do anything.  I was so lost in my journey of parenting and had no idea where to go from point A to point B.  After talking to my husband one night in tears, I realized that I had been defeated (for the time).  I was getting kicked while I was down and everyone around me could tell.  I would put a smile on my face at church and pretend that life was great because isn't that what your supposed to do...life is supposed to be perfect and we never have struggles...so NOT TRUE!!  Once I realized I had gone to everyone but the one who trusted me with my Noah then my eyes were opened.

I got a new Bible...its called God's wisdom for mom's, the book Wild at Heart so I could somehow understand this little boy and how he is wired, and started asking the Lord for guidance and grace in everything that had happened the last few months.  It was night and day when I realized that I was made to be Noah's mom.  God molded him, wrote a book about him, and then trusted me with him to guide him to live out his destiny.  The amazing thing about God is that He is standing there waiting for us to lean on Him and the second we start to use Him and allow Him to guide us in every area of our life His grace sets in and the puzzle starts to fit.  Does that make sense?

Once I chose to get victory in the area of being a mom and remembered that Noah is my son and I am equipped to teach him, discipline him, guide him, love him, train him, and plant little seeds of God's love in his heart it was game on.  I am rising to the challenge.  I am seeing fruit from the work I am putting in at home.  It is a daily effort and daily leaning not on myself but on the Holy Spirit and knowing that my path is made straight because I choose to rely on the Lord for everything.  I am far from perfect; I am not the perfect mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend, but I pray that I can give as much love and grace to the people in my life as God has given me.  A daily question asked in my house is 'how would Jesus act?'

How would Jesus act mom?  Here is my four years old answer after I asked him what Jesus would do.  He had said some things that were not kind earlier that morning and then said He wasn't going to share with his friend and not play with his sister.  So here is the response:  'Mom, Jesus would share with my friend and He would give my sister a hug because He loves us'.  Kids understand and are thirsty to hear the word of God and I am doing my best to plant seeds of love, forgiveness, grace, kind hearted, and a heart after God.  I am not the best parent, but am learning along the way.  I can say that I will not be defeated for as long as I was again and when I feel defeated, I can read this and remind myself I was made to be these babies mom!! 

I love being a mom!

Happy 1st birthday!

On February 3rd, 2011 Alexandria was an answered prayer to our house!  She graced us with her presence and our lives were forever changed!  She brings such joy to everyone she comes around. 

She is the apple to her brothers eye!

Dancing with Cinderella!!

Our first trip as a family of four...Aunt Amy's wedding!

You are my sunshine

A quote out of Noah's mouth often "Alex, I will protect you"

A baby is so peaceful when they sleep...a true gift from above...

She has added so much joy to this family!

Alex, you are so happy and full of love and smiles!

You have learned so much this year!  It has been so much fun watching you grow, learn, explore, laugh and develop a fun loving personality!

Your 1st birthday was not what I planned...double ear infection, breathing treatments, runny nose, and cough...BUT you still enjoyed your cupcake!

You really enjoyed your white chocolate!!

Your 2nd photo session with Kristin Merwin Photography was a success! 

She captured your sweet, fun, silly personality through her shots of you!

You truly show love to those you know and love...

Happy birthday Alexandria!  You are loved by all and a true gift from God!  I am so excited to see what 2012 brings you!  You are such joy and loved!  I love you Alexandria!

TaKiNg a LoOk at our ChRiStMaS 2011

We played in the snow in Flagstaff...our gloves didn't fit, but these babe's didn't care!  They were so excited to see the 'white stuff' and play in it!!




Little America was so beautiful!  The lights were gorgeous and the atmosphere was a 'mood setter' for celebrating the birth of our Saviour!! 

The Polar Express was a blast!  Noah had a smile the entire time!  Alex was terrified of Santa, but Alex is also a mama's girl!  From one mom to another, if you can save, take a trip up to the Polar Express; there is nothing like making memories with your kids and traditions that they will take with them their entire life!  The smile and memories made will forever be remembered from this mama!

On Christmas morning, both kids had a blast seeing what Santa brought them! We had a relaxing day going on walks, to the park, playing soccer and watching Christmas movies!  Elf is a favorite in our house!  On the 26th the kids and I continued Christmas in Yuma!  The kids had a blast playing with cousins late at night, seeing aunts and uncles, great grandparents, and their moni and papa!  Overall, our 2011 Christmas was a blast and made a lot of memories!! 

I am ready to have the best year yet...2012 is going to be full of memories that last a lifetime!!  Bring on all the blessings God has for our family!! 

2011 in Review

As I look back on 2011, I am able to reflect on the challenges and amazing doors that opened up for our personal and business life!  We were blessed with a great place to live 3 weeks before our sweet baby girl was born!  Thank goodness she was a week late...I was able to have the entire house unpacked with boxes gone thanks to the help of wonderful friends!  Our baby girl was born on Febuary 3rd 2011!  I cant believe she is already 1! 

Going from 1-2 was a really hard adjustment for me.  I had horrible baby blues and never experienced that before.  It was a whirlwind of emotions for not only me, but Noah and Jose as well!  I didnt talk about it because I didn't know if what I was feeling was normal or if I was just not cut out for more than 1 kid.  To feel like that was horrible because all I ever wanted to do is be a mom.  After about 6 months of crazy emotions, life started to feel normal again. 

We took a few trips this year visiting family in Colorado and Albuquerque.  The kids and I took a trip to CO in May and the first part of September.  We had a great time going fishing, to the mountains, seeing family, and friends we havent seen in a while!  I am so thankful for those two trips so that our family and friends could spend some time with the kids!  We also went to ABQ for the balloon fiesta in October.  Jose hadn't been to ABQ for a couple years so it was fun for him to come and see old coaches, eat at delicious restaurants, and enjoy family time!  We went up the tram and saw SNOW!  I think it was 2 years since Noah had seen snow and Alex loved it!  This trip was so fun...we were able to spend much needed quality time together as a family!  Jose and Noah also went up to the family ranch and Grandpa was able to show the guys all the hard work they have done to it! 

The holidays came faster this year than any other year!  The Montoya's came up for Thanksgiving!  We had a great time visiting with them and spending time as a family!  Jose took off the weekend (which never happens), so we got some good quality time in and had a blast with Nana and Uncle Josh!  Christmas was just around the corner and with a huge suprise to the Polar Express it was SO fun!  We spent the night up in Flagstaff, went to little America to see the millions of lights, went to old town, played in the snow, then took the drive up to Williams, AZ to ride on the Polar Express.  When we pulled up and told Noah where we were, there was a smile from ear to ear the rest of the night!  We sang Christmas carols, met Santa, got a bell from Santa, cookies, hot chocolate, and tons of memories made for a great time to begin the Christmas memories for the year!  On Christmas Eve, we ended up in urgent care for Alex, but after some TLC from all of us, some chile, and Christmas lights, it was time to see where Santa was and off to bed!  Christmas day we opened presents and had some awesome family time at the park, walks, dinner, dessert, and relaxing was exactly what the day called for!  The kids and I went up to Yuma for a couple days to see my family and let the kids play with their cousins!  It was a ton of fun seeing the relationship that they are building and a great time visiting with my family!  My grandparents were there, my parents, and 2 out of 3 of my sisters so needless to say we had a lot of laughs and memory making!! 

As we said good-bye to 2011 and hello to 2012 I know that the Lord has amazing things in store for this year!  Noah started preschool in January and loves his teacher and is making a lot of new friends!  I am excited to see what the Lord has in store for the year and our family!